Terms of Search and Searching for Terms

The traditional beginning to a TCWT post

My version

The prompt for this month’s Teens Can Write, Too blog chain is “What are the wackiest, funniest, most disturbing search terms anyone has ever used to find your blog?” Well, let me tell you… [chuckling maliciously]… Actually, just let me tell you the truth for once. That’s the best policy, I’ve heard. Previously I had thought the best policy was honesty. Truth works too, I suppose. Darn synonyms… Anyway, the truth is that I haven’t really gotten many strange search terms. I’m pretty new to this huge network of blogs. I started in August, I believe. So, I don’t have much to say. But, one of my many talents is how to make a huge post out of a small topic. So here I go. Though I haven’t been doing this long, I already have four blogs. I just don’t have enough places to write, I suppose.

My first was a website for a family newsletter I have been running for the past year. Not many views for that, I can tell you. It was probably the lack of tags, categories, and otherwise publicizing techniques. One strange term I got was one with the exact same wording as the title of my post! Imagine the odds… pretty astronomically low odds. And what are the odds of having odds that low? Never mind.

The only other term I got with that secluded website was a misspelled search term that was searched 9 times! Someone spelled “the” as “thre” nine different times. And, this time, we won’t go into the odds of that.

My second blog, a fictional story blog, called The Fool of Koolbeneckerhoffen | Imperative Information for the Common Good. Sometimes., was searched for, and found, with the words “’Liam Wood’ prison”. If you have had me comment on your blog, you know that my username is Liam Wood. You might not know that I have never been in prison. I had written a post about my main character, whose name is too long to be mentioned here without making my computer crash, who had been arrested under false accusations by a complete dunce. Obviously someone has been watching me and hoping I had committed some heinous crime that would, surely, show up in Google. Or Yahoo. Or Bing. Or whatever you stalkers usually use.

The only other one for that post was this: “gaty saquirrel”. I can only imagine what this means. And sometimes, while imagining, I wish I hadn’t.

My third blog to pop up in the Internet was another story blog in which chapters were being periodically published at irregular intervals. In the first chapter, Cinderella is left husbandless when her future husband steps on her toe during that famous ball. (Now, I trust you guys not to steal my idea. You probably couldn’t write it as well anyway, though.) The search term that found that great opening was this: “broken toe”. I hope those random searchers weren’t looking for a graphic description; I didn’t go into too much detail. And I won’t now, either. YOU HEAR THAT, UNKNOWN SEARCHER???

My fourth blog has had the most strange yet, but even those terms aren’t of the strangest variety. The blog is now my main blog, and the one you are probably reading this post on. The first term was “honey bees”, fairly uninteresting. It found an article, entitled “Bees Sneeze and Wheeze”, about how bees are actually allergic to pollen and honey is their mucus. It’s one of my best theories, I think.

Term no. 2 is, and I quote (as you can see from the quotation marks around it): “rock & roll kids birthday party”. This is definitely the one of the strangest ones I’ve gotten, since it led to my post about partying, called “I-I-I… Wanna Rock and Roll All Night! And Party Ev-ery Day!” Yes, long title. Well, read the post; it’s longer. Anyway, the post, belied by the title, had nothing to do with “rock and roll kids birthday party”. True, the words “rock and roll” were in the title, but nothing further than that, unless Elvis was mentioned in there and I didn’t notice it (which would be hard, since I wrote it). I did mention entertaining “kids” in that post, and the party itself was a “birthday party”. That’s as far as it goes, however. The birthday boy was turning fifty, and got six bottles of wine and over twenty bottles of Diet Coke as gifts.

On to the third: “dear mommy letter”. I had written a fictional letter named “Dear Mommy– a fictional letter”. This was obviously featured on that search. I don’t know why it was searched in the first place—maybe the searcher needed a template for a good letter to his mommy. I don’t know, but my letter is definitely not a good template. It’s from a schizophrenic guy who’s stuck in an insane asylum with his water-wing-wearing imaginary friend named Clive.

Another one I’ve gotten was this: “how do you nlike kippling”. This is strange, because I had recently written a post entitled the same, with capitals and without the typographical error (I love typing that phrase out… typographical error… “typo” is just so overused!).

Then, just recently, I got this one: “paolini “inheritance” synopsis”. For your information, I have not read Inheritance, yet, seeing as how it came out six days ago, and probably won’t even write a synopsis on it when I do read it, which will be when it finally drops in popularity enough for my library to consider buying it. Yes, I depend on my library a lot. BUT NOT FOR THIS BOOK! For I have gotten Inheritance in record time for me, but, even though I just even more recently got the term “inheritance book review”, I have not finished it yet. And I still won’t write a synopsis or a book review. Yet.

So, from all of those terms, I’d say that the “rock & roll kids birthday party” takes the cake, though I hope it will leave some for me. I like cake. The only reason for that (I’m talking about the search term again, not cake; there are no reasons needed for liking cake) is because that post was farther from those terms than I could throw a… than I am from the Alpha Centauri. (I can’t throw that far, you see.) In fact, all of those search terms are completely different from what they found.  Anyway, that concludes my post about search terms. I hope you’ll come back again for another dose of concentrated insanity and maybe even a laugh or two. (Come on, it’s not like I’m completely without a sense of humor, is it? Does it hurt you to laugh? If so, leave.)

In other news, I am participating in NaNoWriMo for the first year in a row. I’ve got the username of dragonfirehurts on both the NaNoWriMo website and the YWP website. There, if you’re participating as well, you can read a novel excerpt. I hope you’ll like it. You can read another (different) one on this blog site, called, brilliantly, “NaNoWriMo 2011 excerpt”.  I hope you’ll like that one too. I’m writing a humorous story (I think) with the main idea of, “Nobody is wrong, but is everybody right?” Basically, there is no antagonist. It’s hard to write like that, having no struggle between a good guy and a bad guy, or good thought vs. bad thought. But, somehow, I always pick the hard ideas to use. I’m at 40k right now.

Want to follow our blog tour? Here are the great bloggers who have also taken up with me my chain of despair, bondage, and Teens Can Write, Too blogging (I’m kidding about the despair and bondage—this is pretty fun):

November 5th — http://kirstenwrites.wordpress.com/ – Kirsten Writes!

November 6th — http://delorfinde.wordpress.com – A Farewell To Sanity

November 7th — http://eatsleepwriterepeat.wordpress.com – Eat, Sleep, Write, Repeat

November 8th — http://alohathemuse.wordpress.com – Embracing Insanity

November 9th — http://noveljourneys.wordpress.com/ – Novel Journeys

November 10th —- http://greatlakessocialist.wordpress.com/ – Red Herring Online

November 11th — http://taystapeinc.wordpress.com – Tay’s Tape

November 12th — http://herebefaries.wordpress.com/ – The Land of Man-Eating Pixies

November 13th – http://randominmind.wordpress.com – Random On My Mind!

November 14th – https://insideliamsbrain.wordpress.com/ – This Page Intentionally Left Blank

November 15th — http://herestous.wordpress.com – Here’s To Us

November 16th— http://incessantdroningofaboredwriter.wordpress.com – The Incessant Droning of a Bored Writer

November 17th — http://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com – Teens Can Write Too! (We will be announcing the topic for the next month’s chain)

Leave a comment


  1. For some reason, it irks me when people search for something and wind up on a blog post of mine with a completely different topic. I feel like I’m luring people on to my site by making them believe it has the information they want. I’d better just stop looking at my stats page…

    • Me too… But I like it when people stumble upon me. Of course, it hurts a little bit when I’m a stumbling block to someone, because they trip over me. If I made sense right there, please tell me and I’ll change my comment.

  2. John Hansen

     /  November 14, 2011

    Hi Liam and welcome to the chain! 🙂 First off, maybe I’m just missing it, but how do I susbcribe to your blog? I don’t see a button…
    I also find it funny that you wrote a parody on Cinderella because I did too! It’s a humor story and in it when the prince puts on her slipper, it doesn’t fit. 🙂 That baby’s going to be in the December issue of “Crack The Spine”. Squee!
    It’s fine to be new. You have some pretty funny search terms there yourself. I found the squirrel one disturbing, and if it is what I think it is, well, I don’t want to know what creep would search for that… *shivers*
    Great post and welcome aboard!

    • I just took the button off because I figured that WordPress users would have the Follow button in the top left hand corner of their window and non-Wordpress users get a little box in the lower right hand corner, both saying +Follow. Sorry.
      What’s “Crack the Spine”? And what’s “Squee”?
      Thanks for the comment!

      • John Hansen

         /  November 15, 2011

        🙂 When I subscribe from the bar at the top, I don’t get email updates, just updates on my wordpress user page which I rarely check so for blogs that interest me, I prefer email updates. That would be you.
        “Crack the spine” is an online lit mag. Squee is something I’d never say in real life but it’s hard to convey excitement over the internet.

      • I see. And you see too, I hope, the button for making me eat a snuggie?

  3. Gwendolyn Copperstone

     /  November 14, 2011

    Those are some funny search terms. Who spells ‘the’ wrong nine times? My mom gets some weird search terms, none of which I can remember, of course, but I remember that they were weird.

    • Thanks. That’s just what I thought when I saw it. But it had to be nine different people, mind. That’s crazy in itself.

  4. Great post. Good luck with NaNoWriMo!

  5. Love it! You were right about making a long post from a small topic, how would one achieve this? “kids rock and roll party” is my favorite too, it must be our same last names or something… anyways great post!!

    • I dunno… I just have that knack, I suppose. It’s a combination of crazy plays on words, strange similes, and writing down whatever comes into my head. Oh, and I don’t edit much, I just add stuff until it makes more sense.

  6. I am so sorry for being late but I really Enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing these!

  7. Miriam Joy

     /  November 18, 2011

    I am worried about those saquirrels.

  8. Ahh, there’s that lovely blue question mark again.


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