Time Travel: A Conversation Between Stranezza and I

Time travel is a concept much used by fantasy authors over the years, from The Time Machine to Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox to Star Trek (the movie), along with others that I can’t remember. Time travel sometimes uses a time machine, sometimes a wormhole/portal-thingy, sometimes a demon warlock called No. 1. I recently explained time travel when it came up in one of my conversations with La Stranezza during a tricycle race. The conversation went thus:

Stranezza [in the post]: Liam’s won the past two times in the comment contests, and so somebody else should win now, just to break the monotony… I pedalled as fast as I could on my tricycle out of there, laughing evilly a mahogwa.

Liam [in a comment]: Well. I shall stop commenting altogether if you don’t want me anymore.
*Pedals off even faster, laughing eviller laugh than any of yours*

S: But if you don’t comment then we’ll hardly make it to 950, by dunder! *Pedals off after Liam*

L: Pedal faster… Got to pedal faster…

S: *Activates jet boosts*

L: *Flips switch for warp drive*

S: That’s cheating!

L: *Yells something that is lost in the roar of the engine, something like “There is no cheating in tricycle racing!”*

S: Tricycles don’t have engines.

L: The warp drive engine, or whatever you call it. Duh.

S: Warp drive velocitator?

L: Something like that. Anyway, it’s loud, and I’m millions of light-years ahead of you anyway. My tricycle is fast.

S: Haha! I tricked you! This was a reverse race to see who could go the slowest!

L: Well, what warp drive does is it essentially bends space, which, when you think of it, has a certain relationship to time; therefore, by putting my warp drive in reverse, as I did when I flipped it on, I am in essence going backwards through time, probably to come out before you were born, thereby winning the race.

S: But if you come out before you were born (because I’m older than you) then you yourself would be stuck in some sort of quantum loophole, thus destroying reality. As reality is still here, you failed to beat me. I win. Lawyered.

L: Wrong! You see, backwards time travel doesn’t affect aging: you are the same age when you come out as when you came in. Then, when you reverse the process, you’ll come out the exact time you disappeared in the future to go to the past. While you’re in the past, you don’t age at all; you’re effectively immortal until you travel back into your own time. Of course, your past travel cannot overlap with your future after you return from the past; this is impossible. So the point is, I win!

S: However, existence precedes existence, and if you exist before you start your existence, then you couldn’t exist in the first place–or, at the very least, there would be two different Liams, L1 and L2. You, L2, may have defeated me, but because the little baby Liam has yet to have been conceived at the time of your victory, I still beat Liam prime, whom I was racing in the first place. Booyah.

L: Again, not true; because L1 wasn’t born, and you weren’t born, neither could win against each other until they were born, and since I’m younger than you, I was slowest in getting into the world, and therefore I have won the slowness race.

S: But, you forget that I didn’t lose at the same time you won–when you won, it was before either of us were born, and so it didn’t count, really. I, on the other hand, lost when both L1, L2, and S1 were existence, and as you didn’t win then, it’s impossible that you could win now, or at a later date. By default, I win.

L: But since I came back to the future, I was able to claim the prize then, having documented the time of my win. I win!

S: You’re inanely insane.

So you see here, in this long conversation, that I explained why you can’t die, age, or change at all when you’re in your own past. Neither can you meet yourself, kill your grandmother, or any of that stuff. So, all you time paradoxians: it’s impossible! Maybe. Whaddayathink?

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4 Comments

  1. YOU FORGOT DOCTOR WHO!!! HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT??? THE ENTIRE SHOW IS BASED ON TIME TRAVEL! ANd aliens. And saving the… well, everything. The universe, the human race, reality…
    Other than that this was a very interesting and very funny post. I haven’t played with time travel really yet.
    *leans back and thinks to herself: “geez, Lily/Gwen, you haven’t really played with murder, parallel universes, time travel, dragons… what is wrong with you?”*
    Oh, and congrats on having 60 followers!

    Reply
    • I’d never heard of Dr. Who before I came to the blogosphere, and I still don’t know exactly what it is, other than strange mentions of the TARDIS or whatever.
      Thanks!

      Reply
      • Doctor Who in a nutshell: This guy who’s a Time Lord (alien species) goes around saving worlds and messing with time in his time machine, the TARDIS, accompanied by a companion. I highly recommend it, but if you decide to try it, start out with one of the newer seasons. The original show was started in the 1960s and ran ’til the ’80s, (a new series was started in 2005ish) and the original episodes are a bit… well, bad. The new ones are much better. In my opinion anyway.
        You’re welcome!

      • Ah. Thank you!

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