You Can’t Keep This Awesomeness Contained… Much

Hey there, I’m Feiron the cursed fairy. Hey there, I’m Feiron the superior being . Hey there, I’m Feiron the really really awesome. Hey there, I’m Feiron the slightly abnormal, brown and hairy, trapped-in-his-own-body, amazingly smart, and really-really-handsome-even-though-he’s been-cursed-twice fairy. My name is pronounced “fair” and “on”, as in “That’s no fair! I wanted to turn that weird little thingamajig on.” Great name, right?

If you understood the first sentence I wrote that wasn’t crossed out, you know a couple things about me. The most important is that I’m really really handsome. The second most important is that I’m a fairy. Now, you might be saying to yourself, “Fairies don’t exist”, but you’d better be ready for a rude awakening, number 1 ’cause I love being rude, and number 2 ’cause fairies do actually exist. No, we’re not from a different planet, but yes, we’re from a different world. In that world we’ve got this system set up where if anyone starts crying in any of the worlds (the fairy-tale world, a.k.a. Isaac’s, the Earth, a.k.a. your world, etc.) someone will be sent. Fairies are summoned by tears, you see. That’s why Cinderella’s fairy godmother appeared just after she burst into tears because she couldn’t go to the ball. (Goodness, how pathetic that girl was.) That’s also why I appeared when Isaac burst into tears after losing Cinderella. (Goodness, how much more pathetic that boy was is.) You see, the fairy summoned will always be of the same gender as the person summoning. That’s why you see more fairy godmothers than fairy godfathers; more girls cry than boys. Of course, we’ve also had to forgo our operations on Earth because there were just too many darn people living there, but we’ve kept it running out in fairy-land. (How I hate that title. As if we were from there originally… we just show up there a lot, we don’t actually live there!) How do we get from place to place, you might ask? Well, even though you’re being extremely nosy and I’d like to shove all your questions up your nose, I’ll answer: we use mirrors or television sets. It’s called teleporting. It was named that when two British sailors, thoroughly drunk, discovered the phenomenon. Of course, only one of them actually lived to tell the tale; the other was lost in an in-between world forever. The other actually named it “telly-porting” because 1) it was caused by a “telly”, or television in British-speak, and 2) because his friend fell into the left side of the TV, which, being a sailor, he called “port”. Thus came the name “telly-porting”. The guy also tried “port-tellying”, but it just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it? The thing they didn’t know was that it also worked in mirrors. You jump in the left side, come out the right in the world you think of. But you can’t teleport, or travel as we call it now, unless you’re either drunk or you’ve touched a fairy, like me. That’s how Phoenix was able to travel; she laid hands on me in a most undignified manner, grabbing my leg as I tried to travel through the mirror. But she’s a good person, all in all.

Another few things about fairies: 1) our original form is a twelve-inch-high brown and hairy humanoid shape, which we must stay in for about five minutes after traveling. After the five minutes are up we can shapeshift, which I’ve lost the ability to do because of a badly-timed curse from one of my enemies. 2) We have what’s called a Bubblepack following each of us around, which is basically a hole in space that only the owner can get into that we use as a backpack. The older you get, the bigger the pack gets. Thus we can collect many things from all around the worlds, saving them for later usefulness.

And that’s it for me, mostly because Liam wants to kick me off the computer to check comments and stuff. Tomorrow is Quirk’s turn, I think, with Sam and Steve as guests. Since you know almost everything about them already, however, it should be fine that they’re all glued together.

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  1. Nice post! Or as my fingers think I want to say, Nive post! Not sure what that means. I had no idea that we owe the invention of teleporting to a couple of drunken sailors. Also, I envy those with Bubblepacks. Homework would be so much easier to haul around in one of those. Not to mention it could hold hidden chocolate stash.

    • Indeed. In Isaac’s episode with Snow White and the dwarves, Feiron had him pay in chocolate bars wrapped in gold foil that looked like real gold bars. Oh, Feiron is a genius. But he’s stupid.


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