Guest Post: The Rights of Wrong

The author of our four thousandth comment was Nevillegirl, who is a person obsessed with Harry Potter and other fandoms, as you’ll soon see.  Here is her guest post.  Just remember, it’s all in fun– no need to take this seriously.

To Whom It May Concern,

It has come to our attention that evil people are underappreciated.

After much careful observation of your world, which some of our party insist on calling ‘Muggle’, we have come to the conclusion that its inhabitants love to talk about minority rights. We obtained this information by examining your media. This proved to be quite difficult, requiring us to first kidnap Arthur Weasley and then torture him to extract all the information he knew about how to operate a television. (Our telly experts from Panem were unavailable at this time, having been ordered to explore the Internet.)

Once both tasks were accomplished, we spent hour upon hour in patient study of the media, interrupted only once, by a simultaneous lightsaber and wand malfunction in two of our party. Suffice it to say that they will never store their weapons in their back pockets any longer.

At any rate, we quickly noticed how much blathering goes on about rights – you name it, someone is arguing for it. We have had enough of this, for we have noticed a glaring absence in all your talk of equality!

There is never any talk of evil rights.  Where, we ask, are rights for evil people? No one is so spurned, so downtrodden, as we are.

People cross to the other side of the street when they see us. We are not allowed to practice our favorite activities for fear of being thrown in prison. We face losing our jobs if we are outed as card-carrying members of B.U.T.T., or Bad Users of Terrible Things. We are denied an unbiased coverage in your media, always portrayed as horrible people.

We ask only to be treated with respect.

Furthermore, you are not only hurting us; you are also hurting children! Small boys and girls who aspire to be dictators or murderers have their hopes crushed when they see how, year after infernal year, evildoers continue to be prosecuted. How else can these children discover their true calling? Imagine, if you will, what a terrible loss it would have been if a small boy named Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr. had not found role models.

The world was not always such a cruel place for the evil. If it had been, we would not be here. How different the world would be. We demand that you give us back our rights and allow us to exercise our liberties!

We beseech you to consider our proposition. Do it for the children.

Sincerely,

Lord Voldemort

Darth Vader

Sauron

Count Dracula

The White Witch

Khan Noonien Singh

Coriolanus Snow, President of Panem

Captain Vanderdecken

S.M.I.L.E. (Sith Members In Love with Evil)

The Volturi

The Joker

Miss Trunchbull

C.A.T.O (Career tributes And The Others)

Kronos

Frankenstein’s monster

Dr. Moreau

The Master

D.E.A.T.H. (Death Eaters Against Torture Hatred)

IT

The Erasers

The Borg

Galbatorix

Cluny the Scourge

The Big Bad Wolf

Opal Koboi

Long John Silver

And evil overlords everywhere.

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44 Comments

  1. That. Was. Amazing. *falls over backwards*

    Reply
  2. Long John Silver? Ha! Loved the post, Nevillegirl.

    Reply
  3. Oh my gosh, Nevillegirl! I love this post! Especially loving all the acronyms. C.A.T.O and D.E.A.T.H are awesome!

    Reply
  4. Snuffleupagus

     /  September 19, 2012

    This. Was. Awesome! You forgot the N.I.C.E., though.

    Reply
    • The N.I.C.E?

      Reply
      • Snuffleupagus

         /  September 20, 2012

        National Institute for Coordinated Experiments (NICE) from C. S. Lewis’s novel “That Hideous Strength. It’s the third book of the Space Trilogy. : ) And obviously, you didn’t forget it, you just didn’t know it. My apologies.

      • I only wanted to use acronyms that I’d made up. 🙂

    • Oh I say, another person who has read the Cosmic Trilogy? NO ONE I KNOW HAS READ THAT THING. *high fives*

      Reply
  5. Why isn’t Harbinger (from the Mass Effect series) on here? He’s so evil that instead of eating kittens, he melts them down and transforms them into Reapers…with a vengeance! I demand sayh-tuhsh-fahc-shun.

    Reply
    • I can’t get no… satisfaction… And neither can you, obviously. We’ll see what Engie says.

      Reply
    • Because… because… because I haven’t read every book in the whole entire world! I tried to include a lot of villains but I obviously couldn’t do them all.

      Reply
    • I don’t know if you could call the Reapers evil. It definitely seems evil to everyone else, but they think they’re doing the right thing. Everyone on that list understands they’re evil, at least to some degree.

      The Illusive Man, however…

      Reply
  6. Charley R

     /  September 20, 2012

    WHY DID NOBODY LET ME KNOW THIS BLASTED PETITION WAS GOING!? Dammit Sauron, I left the blasted Post-It note stuck to your forehead and you forgot to remind me! How could you do this to me!?

    I hereby withdraw my services as Chief Cookie Obtainer until I receive an apology.

    As an aside to Nevillegirl . . . fell over giggling. Thank you so much xD

    Reply
  7. orphu44

     /  September 20, 2012

    *stifles giggle* Excellent point. I’ll see about spearheading a GSA (Good-Sinful Alliance.)

    Reply
    • *dies laughing* Darn, I wish I’d thought of that! May I use that in another post? Pwetty pwease?

      Reply
    • Actually, I was trying to make the stuff spell out NAACP, GSA, and multiple other things that I’ve forgotten. But I couldn’t figure out that stuff. So that’s why it spells out DEATH and BUTT and other stupid things. 😛

      Reply
  8. Liam….. you took out what SMILE stands for. 😦 (Sith Members In Love with Evil)

    Reply
  9. Starreh

     /  September 20, 2012

    Instantly, I noticed the Master. And D.E.A.T.H. xD Well, I’m glad SOMEONE from Doctor Who was included. 😛 And Voldie. And the Big Bad Wolf. :3

    Reply
  10. Starreh

     /  September 20, 2012

    *snod* brilliant posteh, though. ^^ I cracked up!

    Reply
  11. orphu44

     /  September 20, 2012

    Did you mean the GSA, when you asked if you could use it? If so, yes indeed. If not, then I’m embarrassed.

    Reply
    • Yes, I did mean the Good-Sinful Alliance. 😛 Thanks; I’ll credit you!

      Now, who should be a member… *wanders off to think*

      Reply
      • I wrote a post today which ended up talking about the GSA – that wouldn’t clash with yours, would it? Since I said you could use it and all…*awkward*

      • No, of course not! And you made it up anyway, so it doesn’t matter! I’m gonna check it out right now…

      • orphu44

         /  September 22, 2012

        I’d only written it, not posted it…as you probably found out. It’s up now, though. 🙂

  12. hi there i’m commenting
    this post is brilliant. =3

    Reply
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