Don’t Pick Noses

Some people have noses.

Some don’t.

You can’t hold it against someone that their face was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or that they were born with a defect (or reborn, as the case may be).  Several people without noses have scintillating personalities and are lovely friends to have along on a picnic.

But some choose to be morose about their noseless state.  They neglect themselves, letting their skins turn colors or deteriorate altogether, taking different, more frightening forms as the whim takes them.

You would not want them along on a picnic.

The ringleader for the second group is, quite obviously, Lord Voldemort.  Reborn into the arms of the most weaselly of henchmen, he’d had enough of a shock before finding out his nose hadn’t left the netherworld attached to his face.  I’m afraid this is where he began the slow descent into madness.  Suddenly taking an unhealthy liking to shapeless garments, he let his skin turn grey and his fingernails grow.  His hair, like his nose, was gone; but if he had hair, it would surely be long and unkempt.  He threw his toothbrush to the rats, which explains why Wormtail’s hair is so nicely combed.

But he is not alone in nose-induced insanity.  After his body perished in the collapse of Numenor, long before the Ring was found, he gathered himself in the darkness of Mirkwood.  Unfortunately, as he chased after a few of his fingers, he lost his nose somewhere in the Misty Mountains.  It was never regained, but rumor has it that the Durin’s Bane awoke when something small and malicious fell into its nose.  Long afterward, the spirit of Sauron reformed, noseless, into the Great Eye we know and love today.

Nevertheless, there are some who live quite well without noses.  Pinocchio, for example, had his amputated when he grew up to become a politician.  The stump twinges often, but it never grows anymore.  He has become very successful indeed.

Some people without noses aren’t people at all.  Idolized by millions, the child superfish Nemo was born without a nose.  Come to think of it, his father was too, as was his mother.  It must run in the family.

The Great Sphinx of Giza had its nose removed, some say by the Emperor Napoleon himself.  The jury is still out on whether or not it was removed by the Sphinx’s intention.

In fact, there are some who have amputated their own noses, or left it off their personal symbols, to seem sympathetic to others.  Iron Man, the great mechanic hero, has no nose.  Not even a nostril.  The man inside the shell does, but he left it off his suit for reasons of his own.  Though privately he enjoys snuffboxes and smelling the flowers, his public persona has no time for it.

Some have removed their noses for practicality’s sake.  The idea of staying in the same room with unwashed Vikings and dragons was too fantastical for the producers of How to Train Your Dragon– in the movie, Toothless stars without a nose, though most others retain theirs.  That partially explains why Toothless didn’t complain when Hiccup hugged him on the snout.

Don’t shun such unfortunate creatures simply because their noses have been left off.  Don’t pick noses over noselesses.  Instead, bring them on picnics.  They won’t be able to smell the dessert.

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  1. Did you say that Voldemort was reborn into the arms of the most “weaselly” of henchmen?
    Is it just me or was that an ironic choice of words? Think about it.

    • Yes, weasels to describe mice. If you think about it, Wormtail is more of a weasel than a mouse. Ratty would be the wrong word– mousy is occasionally complimentary, for some reason. Find me a good mouse-rat word if you think weaselly was wrong.

  2. BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism! WHY didn’t I think of THAT! (name the movie)
    Actually, how did you think of this? It is an interesting concept. I have never realized how many noseless characters there were (oddly enough, the thought never even crossed my mind, but then niether had the thought of being able to fly by sneezing yourself inside out).

    • The Grinch, right? I looked it up.

      I thought of it because, staring at the blank Compose Post page, I wanted to write the first line “Some people have noses. Some people don’t.”

      And right now, I’m getting a song: “Some people laugh through their noses…” Mary Poppins.

    • journalism5410

       /  May 2, 2013

      THE GRINCH THE GRINCH THE GRINCH. I have a little sister and a year-round obsession. O_O Hello.

      • journalism5410

         /  May 2, 2013

        OH. Veggie Tales! I LOVE MY LIPS TOO!

        My family watches nature documentarIES and suddenly I scream “STOP! PAUSE PAUSE PAAAAUSE IT!” And then I go “Everybody has a WATER BUFFALO!” and then my dad is like “What? Okay… ” And I sink into my chair until its over, grab the laptop, go to youtube and begin singing/talking along with larry, the other dude, and my sister…..

  3. Liam, this was… really weird… *lost for words*

  4. Ehehehe, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! I don’t know why, but it’s brilliant!

  5. magicandwriting583

     /  April 30, 2013

    I’ve been laughing the entire time I read this…

  6. magicandwriting583

     /  April 30, 2013

    What about those of us who do have noses and can’t smell dessert? I have *the* worst sense of smell ever… At least, of people who have noses. I’m pretty sure I have a nose….

  7. Eye transplants, noses….what’s next? Toes?

    Nice post!

  8. This post is the greatest posts in the history of great posts. That is all I have to say.

  9. To: Liam, Head Phil
    From: Seana and co.

    You are formally invited to come to my blog on the 5th of May. Some other bloggers and I (i.e. Robyn, Charley, Engie, Miriam, Amanda, La Stranezza, Meredith, Leinad, and Gwen/Lily) have put together a most wonderful surprise for you to celebrate your recent follower count. Please come. There might be leftover cake.

  10. I thought of another song with a reference to noses!
    “…Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes…”

  11. Okay. Why is sung correct?

    • Because it’s the passive voice past tense of the infinitive to sing. Julie Andrews sang all those songs (active voice), but those songs were sung by Julie Andrews (passive).


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