Don’t Pick Noses

Some people have noses.

Some don’t.

You can’t hold it against someone that their face was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or that they were born with a defect (or reborn, as the case may be).  Several people without noses have scintillating personalities and are lovely friends to have along on a picnic.

But some choose to be morose about their noseless state.  They neglect themselves, letting their skins turn colors or deteriorate altogether, taking different, more frightening forms as the whim takes them.

You would not want them along on a picnic.

The ringleader for the second group is, quite obviously, Lord Voldemort.  Reborn into the arms of the most weaselly of henchmen, he’d had enough of a shock before finding out his nose hadn’t left the netherworld attached to his face.  I’m afraid this is where he began the slow descent into madness.  Suddenly taking an unhealthy liking to shapeless garments, he let his skin turn grey and his fingernails grow.  His hair, like his nose, was gone; but if he had hair, it would surely be long and unkempt.  He threw his toothbrush to the rats, which explains why Wormtail’s hair is so nicely combed.

But he is not alone in nose-induced insanity.  After his body perished in the collapse of Numenor, long before the Ring was found, he gathered himself in the darkness of Mirkwood.  Unfortunately, as he chased after a few of his fingers, he lost his nose somewhere in the Misty Mountains.  It was never regained, but rumor has it that the Durin’s Bane awoke when something small and malicious fell into its nose.  Long afterward, the spirit of Sauron reformed, noseless, into the Great Eye we know and love today.

Nevertheless, there are some who live quite well without noses.  Pinocchio, for example, had his amputated when he grew up to become a politician.  The stump twinges often, but it never grows anymore.  He has become very successful indeed.

Some people without noses aren’t people at all.  Idolized by millions, the child superfish Nemo was born without a nose.  Come to think of it, his father was too, as was his mother.  It must run in the family.

The Great Sphinx of Giza had its nose removed, some say by the Emperor Napoleon himself.  The jury is still out on whether or not it was removed by the Sphinx’s intention.

In fact, there are some who have amputated their own noses, or left it off their personal symbols, to seem sympathetic to others.  Iron Man, the great mechanic hero, has no nose.  Not even a nostril.  The man inside the shell does, but he left it off his suit for reasons of his own.  Though privately he enjoys snuffboxes and smelling the flowers, his public persona has no time for it.

Some have removed their noses for practicality’s sake.  The idea of staying in the same room with unwashed Vikings and dragons was too fantastical for the producers of How to Train Your Dragon– in the movie, Toothless stars without a nose, though most others retain theirs.  That partially explains why Toothless didn’t complain when Hiccup hugged him on the snout.

Don’t shun such unfortunate creatures simply because their noses have been left off.  Don’t pick noses over noselesses.  Instead, bring them on picnics.  They won’t be able to smell the dessert.


145 thoughts on “Don’t Pick Noses

    1. Yes, weasels to describe mice. If you think about it, Wormtail is more of a weasel than a mouse. Ratty would be the wrong word– mousy is occasionally complimentary, for some reason. Find me a good mouse-rat word if you think weaselly was wrong.

      1. I’m sorry, but Weasley, as in Molly, Ginny, Arthur, Charles, Percy, Fred, George, and Ron Weasley.
        You could have used a variation of the word rodent (shrug).

  1. BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism! WHY didn’t I think of THAT! (name the movie)
    Actually, how did you think of this? It is an interesting concept. I have never realized how many noseless characters there were (oddly enough, the thought never even crossed my mind, but then niether had the thought of being able to fly by sneezing yourself inside out).

    1. The Grinch, right? I looked it up.

      I thought of it because, staring at the blank Compose Post page, I wanted to write the first line “Some people have noses. Some people don’t.”

      And right now, I’m getting a song: “Some people laugh through their noses…” Mary Poppins.

      1. Upercalifragilisticexpialidocious-say. And you know, you can say it backwards, but it’s not dociousaliexpiisticfragicalirupus… but’s that’s going a bit too far, don’t you think?

      2. Yeah, The Grinch. Have you never seen it?

        Then there’s a VeggieTales song:
        “I planted rows, rows, rows, rows
        of a horribly bad smelling rose
        Now no one knows, knows, knows, knows
        If the scent will be leaving my nose!
        But most likely no.”

      3. In no particular order, His Cheeseburger, Water Buffalo Song, I Love My Lips (which I just misspelled as Lisp, which would be equally appropriate), Sport Utility Vehicle, and Endangered Love. Endangered Love is probably my favorite.

      4. My favorite is The Yodeling Veternarian of the Alps. The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything is good, too. Schoolhouse Polka, and Endangered Love are good and Pizza Angel… I like quoting Water Buffalo.
        I Love My Lisp. That’s funny.


        I love all those old Veggie Tales songs…the new ones are just weird in a bad way, though. One of the newer ones does have to do with noses, though. It goes: “Sneeze if you have to! Sneeze if you need to! Don’t hold it in, just be sure that you cover your mouth with a tissue. I will assist you. Sneeze all your troubles away at up to a hundred and fifty miles an hour!”

      6. I’m not sure I remember them all…but I’ll try. In no particular order. Larrry’s High Silk Hat, Schoolhouse Polka, Lance the Turtle, Love My Lips, and Sneeze if You Need to.

      7. SAY-BOOOOOOO! Saaaay boo! SAYBOO!



        And the Schoolhouse Polka is like the writer song of Veggie Tales…

    2. THE GRINCH THE GRINCH THE GRINCH. I have a little sister and a year-round obsession. O_O Hello.

      1. OH. Veggie Tales! I LOVE MY LIPS TOO!

        My family watches nature documentarIES and suddenly I scream “STOP! PAUSE PAUSE PAAAAUSE IT!” And then I go “Everybody has a WATER BUFFALO!” and then my dad is like “What? Okay… ” And I sink into my chair until its over, grab the laptop, go to youtube and begin singing/talking along with larry, the other dude, and my sister…..

      1. I must say, that was not at all predictable! At least, not by me.
        I said sometimes you are predictable.
        Now, I ask why would chickens need headgear? They don’t have teeth.

      2. … Yeah, they don’t have tentacles. We used to have chickens, so I know. But the last time I checked, chickens didn’t wear headgear, either. Is this a recent occurence?
        How are the chickens supposed to remember every second Tuesday while they have vibrating headgear? That’s Meatloaf Night, you know.

  2. To: Liam, Head Phil
    From: Seana and co.

    You are formally invited to come to my blog on the 5th of May. Some other bloggers and I (i.e. Robyn, Charley, Engie, Miriam, Amanda, La Stranezza, Meredith, Leinad, and Gwen/Lily) have put together a most wonderful surprise for you to celebrate your recent follower count. Please come. There might be leftover cake.

    1. MIGHT BE? Oh dear…

      *bows* Yes, please, Most Awesome and Wonderful and Fabulous King of the Philosophers and Followers/Minions (I thought this might warrant the “full title,” although perhaps I’m getting it wrong. If I am, please feel free to correct me.); do come! You won’t regret it!

      1. No one has proved that I’m actually doing anything about that! I might not have done anything truly evil yet except talk, which obviously isn’t evil since most humans do it shamelessly.

      2. You are SO MUCH like the other ENTJ I know…it’s nerve wracking. For all I know, this could be planned.

        Wait, once I said you were the King of Awesomeness and you didn’t say kings were sissy then!

      1. Oh, I see why you asked now, Robyn. No, I know full well we’re not throwing stuff at him. Well…I mean, I haven’t read the rest of it yet, so I don’t know for sure, but since you have and you said it…

        Anyway. No, Liam, we’re not throwing anything. Why would we throw stuff at you as a celebration? We’re not THAT bad, are we?

      2. I think she was preparing herself for if you burped. And from what I’ve heard Quirk’s been eating… you sharing the same body and all with him… TAKE COVER! TAKE SOME ANTACID, LIAM!

      1. You just don’t want to sing anymore Julie Andrews.
        THE hills are alive, with the sound of music. With songs they have sung, for a thousand years!

    1. Because it’s the passive voice past tense of the infinitive to sing. Julie Andrews sang all those songs (active voice), but those songs were sung by Julie Andrews (passive).

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