Ducks, Explosions, and Ducking Explosions – TCWT

So in fact I was just about ready to write an apologetic post about how I couldn’t fulfill my promise for a TCWT July blog chain post, when suddenly I realized that the time I spent writing that post could actually be used to write the promised post and none would be the wiser (except that I’m writing this introduction).  Truth be told, I hadn’t given this post a thought since I signed up, except for a few moments of heart-stopping panic when I thought I had already missed the date.  I thought I had no characters to use; I thought I had no ideas for it.  Then I remembered my cardinal rule.  The cardinal rule of writing is this: when you can’t think of anything to do next, add a duck or some explosions.  Preferably both.  Following that logic, I wrote my therapy session with the one duck character I have, who coincidentally also explodes from time to time.  Allow me to introduce the stellar, the scintillating, the slightly bald Mack!

Therapist: Tell me about yourself.

Mack: I’m a duck.

T: So I see.

M: Actually, I’m a Vorsian mallard, but everyone calls me a duck.

T: And how does that make you feel?

M: Angry.  My species might be rare, but we aren’t extinct.

T: I’ve never heard of your species.

M: And how does that make you feel?

T: Ha.  How does it make you feel?

M: I feel like you should be more ashamed of your lack of knowledge.

T: I’m still in shock that ducks can talk.

M: I’m a mallard.  Our species is exceptional.

T: So I see.  Pardon me if I ask seemingly simple questions.  Does your species have a cohesive society?

M: Not since we realized flying in flocks would quickly lessen the number of members.

T: Why is that?  Hunters?

M: We explode.

T: …I see.

M: If we beat our wings too fast, we let off an elemental discharge that basically cooks, freezes, and blinds everything in the vicinity, then sucks it into a temporary black hole.  There’s wind too, but that doesn’t really do much.

T: Interesting.  So by being close to you now, I am in danger of being destroyed?

M: Well, doubly, I suppose.

T: That doesn’t sound good.

M: Not for you.  I’m an assassin.

T: Are you here for me?

M: No, you aren’t that important.  I’m just here for the session.

T: Are your crimes catching up to you?

M: Crimes?  I’m an assassin, not a murderer.

T: It’s good that you’re already at peace with yourself.  How do you feel being an assassin?

M: It’s fun, most of the time.  It’s delicious when they plead.

T: Do you find yourself ever feeling for your victims?

M: Targets, Mr. Therapist; targets.  And no, I don’t often empathize with the human species.

T: Interesting.  Do you empathize with your own kind?

M: Of course.  What kind of psychopath wouldn’t feel for his own people?  I am not, as you may think, a monster– I am simply a mallard making a living by killing off the less worthy.

T: I see.  How often do you see your family?

M: They died when I was learning to fly.

T: I’m sorry.

M: Don’t be.  They deserved it for telling me not to flap too fast.

T: So you killed your own family?

M: No, they just died because of something I did.

T: You’ve managed to justify that too, I see.  Well, then.  Is there anything in specific you’d like to talk about?

M: Have you ever pondered the mortality of your own being?  I mean, if I flew out of that window, your office would probably be a crater before you noticed I had gone.

T: *gets up and shuts the window*

M: Actually, I came here to talk about how the color green makes me feel.

T: Really?  Do tell.  *readies notepad*

And that, believe it or not, is that.  That was my character Mack from Fathoming Egression, the novel I wrote for Camp NaNoWriMo in August of last year.  I’m proud of Mack, not only because he was funny and a duck mallard, but because he was my very first traitor.  I adore traitors.  (As I come to think of it, that novel actually had some great plot twists near the end.  It’s a pity the rest of it was so bad.)

Thanks for sticking with me, even though you didn’t know I was trying to loosen your adhesive and disappear into ignominy.  Here are the other participants in the chain, day by day:

July 5th –

July 6th –

July 7th –

July 8th –

July 9th –

July 10th –

July 11th –

July 12th –

July 13th –

July 14th –

July 15th –

July 16th –

July 17th –

July 18th –

July 19th –

July 20th –

July 21st –

July 22nd –

July 23rd –

July 24th –

July 25th –

26th – (We’ll be announcing the topic for next month’s chain.)


35 thoughts on “Ducks, Explosions, and Ducking Explosions – TCWT

  1. I laughed, I cried… actually, I didn’t cry.

    I have to ask… did you give up on Fathoming Egression? Your little bit in parentheses gave that impression.

  2. “The cardinal rule of writing is this: when you can’t think of anything to do next, add a duck or some explosions. Preferably both.”

    Truer words have never been written.

  3. I would have you know I’m following your blog because of this post… (and reading through the rest of your blog, I find it was a very good idea).

  4. T: Are you here for me?

    M: No, you aren’t that important. I’m just here for the session.
    This made me smile, great post!

      1. For the reactions. If I make you react, I’ve done my job— but if you don’t tell me about your reaction, I can’t tell. So thank you for telling me about your reaction.

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