Why I Should Get a New Device

It has recently come to my attention that I haven’t acquired a new device in quite a long time– not since I got my graphing calculator at the beginning of the school year, in fact.  Since said graphing calculator has no internet access nor even the ability to play space invaders or anything, I feel that it is about time I got something else, something more fun.  And yes, it is possible to top the thrill of correctly graphing a quadratic equation on the first try.  This post shall strive to prove to you why I would like– nay, why I deserve– a new device.

First of all, it would help, not hinder, my writing career.  After all, isn’t it easier to Google and take notes on a small device that I could carry with me all the time?  All the functions of the internet are there, at my disposal.  Looking up definitions, calculating the velocity of a falling object, and knowing what noises a penguin makes– everything would be available to me at the touch of a screen.  More than that, I would be able to do necessary activities without losing writing time.  By using another device to check my email, chat with friends, and update word counts, I would spend less of my computer time doing mundane tasks and more of it writing.  After all, I only have so much time in which I can use the family computer.

The device wouldn’t promote procrastination, but instead, it would be a creative way to unwind!  Who wants to spend all their time reading books, anyway?  It would be a lot easier just to play mind-numbing games on a new device without the worry of wasting one’s writing time or having to actually think about anything in particular.  Games are fun, so they should be guilt-free and easy to access.  Also, creatively unwinding on a personal device would be much easier than doing so on a family computer– no one else is clamoring for permission to use it for the next hour, and no one is going to yell at you for playing silly games when they want to play silly games instead.  I would no longer be forced to give up my unwinding time for other people to unwind.

This device would also minimize peer pressure.  Do you know the intense pressure of a writer to write?  Honestly, when I go into the word war chatroom, people want wars straight out, and I have to oblige them.  What a relief it would be, to join the chatroom with a device incapable of copious amounts of words– I would be able to decline word wars right and left and truly relax at times.  Of course, I would still write on the regular computer, using the keyboard, but just not every time I wanted to check the chatroom.  Peer pressure is one of the greatest destroyers of youthful happiness, and I aim to combat it at every turn, even when it has to do with writing.  After all, you can’t write all the time.

As you can see, acquiring a new portable device with full wireless internet capabilities would be beneficial toward my writing career.  It would be a tool– to research and outline without wasting writing time.  It would allow me an outlet to unwind creatively while allowing others to do their own work (or creative unwinding of their own, if they choose) at the same time.  Furthermore, with a legitimate reason to excuse myself, I can take a few more breaks than I usually do, allowing me more time to unwind creatively and keeping me from going crazy.  Not only that, but it would be good exercise for my thumbs, which are just lazy lumps anyway.  Why must a calculator be my sole means of entertainment in this digital age?  I deserve a device!  It’s not simply for my good– it’s for the good of the world.

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102 thoughts on “Why I Should Get a New Device

    1. This is the stupid sort of argument I put up with myself every day, combated by the logical side of me that knows I can’t get another device or I’d never get anything done. So really, it’s half serious, but I was definitely going for the silly side of things.

  1. …So you need a new smartphone? 😛

    This post is so…cute. I was chuckling so much while reading this xD A nice change from the usual.

    The next time I want to convince my parents to get me a new electronic, I shall be using some of the reasoning stated here 😛

    1. Basically, yes.

      I wanted to make a little bit of a change from the stuffy methods and formulas I talk about a lot. It gets a little old after a while.

      There are many better ways to persuade parents. This was primarily silly, and although a few of the points are good ones, I would probably rewrite it if I were actually gunning for parental approval.

      1. The only thing that works with my parents is:

        “You want that new phone? Alright. If you can get 80% or higher in the finals, it’s yours.”

        I suppose the next electronic I’m going to get is when (and if) my book gets published.

        Unfortunately, none of this sound advice in the post is going to work. I think dad will just laugh at me xD

      2. I wish that worked for me… My grades might be too high, and too consistent. They haven’t offered me that option yet.

        Publishing is definitely a good goal, and I don’t think anyone would begrudge you a new device at that stage. I certainly wouldn’t.

        Of course. My dad laughed at me too.

      3. My grades are very moody. Like the weather. Sometimes I do really well and surprise myself. Other times, (MOST TIMES), I barely pass. *Facepalm*

        I wonder what device I’d even ask for…That’s the thing these days. All of them are essentially the same. If you have one good smartphone, you have an ipad, a kindle, music system, camera, basically everything. (Or perhaps I’m just technologically stupid so all if it seems the same to me.)

      4. Indeed. It really just depends on what sort of quality in everything you want– even though the iDevices have good cameras these days, they aren’t as good as a real camera.

      5. Yep. We’re entering a future where everything is the same. I hear they’ve come out with digital cameras that can connect you to facebook and stuff?

        …I’d feel like my camera is spying on me o_O

      6. Indeed. I have no doubt that someday there will be an omni-device of sorts that lets you do absolutely everything, but there will still be cheaper versions that only have one function at a time. For those of us with slight paranoia issues, we may rest secure.

  2. I went ahead and bought a tablet about a year and a half ago. It has actually been a great tool to help me with writing on the go. I have a long commute on the public bus with no or poor wi-fi access, and so I am able to get a lot done. Sometimes, I do get distracted by games, but usually I am able to get words on the page.

  3. I don’t know, that graphing calculator has its perks. I heard a rumor you can play Mario Kart on it, but I’ve yet to see if that’s true. So who knows? Perhaps quadratic equations will help you win a race.

      1. I tried to calculate the arc and x-velocity of the parabolic flight of Mario as opposed to Toad, so as to calculate the maximum velocity upon hitting the ground and the range of the flight, but I didn’t finish the calculation before they landed. I didn’t know their engines could explode before that.

      2. Perhaps some dilation and pythagorean theorem would’ve been helpful for strategy. You never know when Toad’s gonna play dirty while you’re trying to figure out surface area.

      3. Indeed. And when Nintendo forgets to program the correct gravitational acceleration, calculating free fall becomes almost impossible. At least they forget air resistance too– that makes it easier.

      4. Of course. Although your calculator must be malfunctioning, because I don’t think the track is supposed to go off cliffs. Into rivers, yes, but not off cliffs.

      1. True. Unless you have a bad calculator, in which the aerodynamics weren’t very good anyway. I’ll have to change the exponential equation for that one possibly. I wonder if I can program in a kraken just for fun.

      2. Depends on whether your bird is the correct proportion. If we both define giant to be longer than 50 feet, that might be a problem, as the caterpillar would be too large for the bird to eat.

      3. It was for his own good! I was helping him out by teaching him not to eat unhealthy amounts of chocolate. That’s why he’s not morbidly obese. He should be grateful.

      4. Nope. Entirely of his own volition, he denounced you and performed the traditional war dance of the giant bird, namely, stepping on a nearby house and spending the next few hours picking out splinters.

      5. I did that thing where I read someone’s reply and then reply in my head without actually replying to them. Sorry about that. On another note, did you set my bird loose? I saw him terrorizing a village.

      6. Well, if he wishes to terrorize villages, he can. I’m not stopping him. My caterpillar, on the other hand, is allergic to meadows. I think he’s feeling slightly murderous at this point.

  4. Peer pressure. Ohhhh the joys of peer pressure. XD
    A mobile device sounds like a good idea for writing. (says the person who doesn’t have one and refuses to get one.)
    Calculators are cool. Even though you can’t share math problems with other people.

    1. Can you imagine what Twitter and Facebook would be like if you could share your math problems? “I just solved a quadratic equation!” “How do you graph this polynomial?” “Joe Schmoe likes this addition problem.”

      1. *Laughs* Oh my gosh I’d LOVE IT!!!!

        ….I’m not so sure about my friends though. XD

  5. Ah, you think you’ve got it tough, the last device I got was a NON-graphing calculator…. 😉

    I often wonder whether I should get a device too, but my arguments are weaker even than yours, because I effectively have my own MacBook. It may be six years old, and, until yesterday, didn’t have a battery (Mum and Dad just got a replacement battery for me — hooray!), but it’s a computer. And Mum got an iPad mini recently, so the necessity to replace my broken Kindle is diminished to the point that I think I’ll wait until I leave home (a good couple of years yet).

    Have fun trying to convince yourself.

    1. Hooray for new batteries! My main computer (the family computer, actually) has a dead battery, so it has to stay plugged in almost constantly. Five minutes unplugged and it dies. A new battery would be welcome, and I’m glad you’re enjoying yours. Portability is great.

  6. Portability is certainly excellent. And when you live in a place where electricity relatively inconstant (as I do) batteries are even more welcome. No more having your workflow totally interrupted by the little son of the man at the power station flipping the switch on and off. (at least that’s what it seems is happening…)

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