I’m Gonna Pop Some Tags

I guess I had this coming when I said I was open for tags for the next month.  I suppose I’m really lucky it took a week for people to get the ball rolling— I love hanging around here, but three weeks might be my limit on tagging sanity.  So cram them in if you want them answered, people.

Katie at Spiral-Bound tagged me with the Extraordinary Means tag.  Six questions full of high costs, and I have to decide which author or character or book is worth such a price.  I’m going to say right now, however, that I take issue with some of the questions, so I’ll probably spend more time arguing them than actually answering them.  Anyway, here goes.  Forgive me if I’m a bit rusty.

1. I would give up the internet for a month for a signed first edition of this book.

First of all, seriously?  The internet gives you connections, resources, and best of all, friendships— it’s not just a playground.  Signed first editions are objects that won’t fail to perish eventually.  I can tell you right now that there isn’t a book in the world that would do this for me.  I enjoy owning books, but that’s for the practicality of being able to read them, and to support the authors.  Signed books?  Useless.  First editions?  Even worse.

So I’ll just take it to mean, What is your favorite classic?  Because that’s a question I’m fine with answering.  The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll continue to say it.  Favorite classic ever.

2. I would give up pizza for a year if it meant I could sit next to this author on a long plane ride.

This is assuming that I won’t someday be famous and sharing a publicity tour with that very author.  Also, it assumes that knowing authors is the epitome of life.  Also, it assumes that pizza is really important to me.  All of these things are enjoyable, but the lack of them will not kill me.  So let’s just translate this question into its actual meaning: What author has the best personality/experiences out of your favorites?  That’s what you’d need to know if you’re going to spend hours next to them, presumably talking.

Unfortunately, he’s passed away, but Brian Jacques will always be my favorite author for life in general.  Maggie Stiefvater is crazily productive in all areas, Joss Whedon has a brilliant work ethic, but Brian Jacques lived an amazing life.  Plus, he’s a great storyteller.  Listening to him talk for hours on end would be amazing.

3. I would sit through a thousand hours of commercials if it would ensure Hollywood made this book into a movie.

This assumes that commercials are bad.  On the contrary, commercials have their own intricate structure and style of storytelling that I have spent hours trying to figure out.  I could learn as much from commercials as I do from movies or TV shows.  A thousand hours is a lot, but reasonable.  At the end of it, I’d probably make my own commercial, because that’s how I work.  Honestly, I’d sit through a bad movie for a thousand hours of good commercials.  So let’s translate this.  What movie adaptation would captivate you with curiosity for its spin on the book?  That’s the real question.  Not, which book would be greatest at a movie, or which you’d most like to see as a movie— which book would become something different, something fascinating, as a movie that it couldn’t be as a book?  This automatically means the movie is going to diverge from the book, but the assumption is that the movie makes good on its promises.

So, captivating curiosity?  How will the movie ever tell this story?  It took a while for me to think of one, but I’ve got it.  Ballad, by Maggie Stiefvater, sequel to Lament.  The story would work fairly well, but there are dynamics that cinema can’t capture.  The same is true for any book, really, and definitely any Stiefvater book, but a Ballad adaptation would be amazing if done right.  (It would have to diverge from the book.  I said that before, but it needs stressing.  The movie needs to tell a good story.)

4. I would never read a new book again if it meant I could live inside this book.

Pfft.  I think it’s obvious why this question is ridiculous.  First of all no, books are not things in which to live, in general, and second of all, no, everyone needs new books.  I’m not talking just fiction, or even nonfiction.  Open up a new outdoor grill and a little booklet falls out telling you how to use it.  If you weren’t allowed to read that book because you were living inside the Divergent world or something, you’d probably kill yourself.  (Hey, let’s try igniting the gas to see if it works!)  So let’s translate.  What world is so interesting and worthy of exploration that you’d never be bored living there?

Roshar, the world of The Way of Kings, by Brandon Sanderson.  I’d have picked Scadrial, the Mistborn world, but it’s only fun if you’re a mistborn or a Feruchemist.  Yay being born into the upper class!  It would still be interesting, but in The Way of Kings, there are so many lands and cultures— it essentially mirrors our own world’s diversity, except with magic.  So that would be fun.  Other worlds of note would be that of The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss, and the Inkworld of the Inkheart trilogy by Cornelia Funke.

5. I would let my Google search history be made public if it meant I could be best friends with this author.

So here’s the thing.  This assumes search history would be an embarrassment (which it probably is for most people, writers in particular), and they assume that’s the only way to become friends with an author.  Which is nonsense.  But anyway, let’s translate.  What author would be such a great friend that you wouldn’t care what anyone else thought of you?

And honestly, this is not my favorite question because you don’t know how great a friend anyone is until you actually meet them.  As Katie said, I have a lot of great friends right now who are in different stages of publishing.  You honestly don’t know until you’re there.  But also as Katie said, Maggie Stiefvater.  She’s spontaneous and creative and all around awesome, and anyone who wouldn’t want to be her friend doesn’t know her dark side.  But also, Alexandre Dumas.  Although he is dead, and he’d be a truly horrible friend judging by his history, he’d have the same kind of spontaneous drive for adventure.  Both would be fun.

6. I would donate everything I own to Goodwill if it meant I could date this book character in real life.

The possibility of fleeting love is greater than material possessions!  Either that, or getting someone else to buy you dinner is better than actually having a home, or clothes, or food for after the first date goes downhill.  “Oh, what do you do for a living?”  “I’m homeless, because I just gave everything away so I could date you!”  “Why was this either/or…?”

So let’s translate.  This is very similar to the last question, actually, but instead of giving away your public appearance, you’re giving away all your possessions.  What fictional person would be so important to you that you would need nothing else to live?  And of course this is going to be figurative, unless your date is an alien who acts as shelter and secretes water and edible substances.  Which would be an odd date.

First choice, myself, because (complete disclosure) I am all I need to live.  I would totally date myself.  For practicality reasons but also self-esteem.  Some might call it narcissism, but nah.  I have yet to find another person I can’t live without.  That said, however, I am not fictional.  (Except in some fanfictions, apparently.)  Otherwise, Vin from Mistborn, or Blue from The Raven Cycle.  Because Brandon Sanderson and Maggie Stiefvater are the correct answers to all questions.  Katie knows what I mean.

Now, tagging.  I haven’t done this in a while, so can I just say whoever reads this?  Consider yourselves tagged.  I know I’m cheating, but if you accept, I’ll add your names to the post right here.

[Names many and diverse]

This has been the first tag post in several years.  Congratulations me, thank you Katie, and thank you all for letting me translate the questions.  Without that, I doubt I’d have made it through.

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31 thoughts on “I’m Gonna Pop Some Tags

      1. SHOOT. I JUST POSTED A NEW POST AND FORGOT I’D BEEN TAGGED. Alas. Next week.

        I have thought about this already, and yes, Stiefvanderson will be used for many of my answers.

  1. Awesome as always. I love the translations; you’re very good at this. And of course Sanderson and Stiefvater are the answers to all the questions!
    Though Brian Jacques would be a great person to listen to for hours…
    You’re brave. I would not live in Inkworld for anything. Be a Silvertongue, yes. Live in Inkworld, no.
    Quick thought about Roshar, though… you wouldn’t be reading, anyway. Men don’t read for the most part, right?
    I need to read Lament and Ballad.
    …That is a very good point about that first date.
    Bless your heart, but you are indeed a bit egotistic. Probably my fault for constantly saying you’re awesome…
    Just sayin’, you were a fictional character through your own pen long before we started large collaborative fanfic… this fact just negated my last thought.
    Blue and Vin are good choices, though. We already determined that you are basically Gansey and I’m also convinced you might be Elend, too. It all works out quite nicely that way.
    You’re welcome. *needs to see how many other tags she can locate in the next week…* And I had problems with all these questions myself, except the first two. Though you have very good points about the first question and I’m now reconsidering my stance on that. But I really have almost lost my taste for pizza, so that’s not even a big deal to me. “Will you give up pizza for a year to sit on a long flight with an author of your choosing?” Pfft! Uh, yeah?

    1. The Inkworld is awesome. Horrible government and tangible death, but the fun of exploring all that? It would be great.

      From what you know of me, do you think I’d stick with gender stereotypes, even in Roshar? Doesn’t matter if males read or not, or if I’m forbidden from books. I’d still do it. (Also, that stigma is only in Alethkar and a couple surrounding countries. Other cultures don’t care about it.)

      I figured the least awkward way to answer the last question was to insert myself, and at the moment, it’s true. I really don’t care about dates, but what I do for myself could easily be construed by small minds as dating. So yes, I date myself. I make myself dinners and buy myself candy and watch movies with myself. It’s a healthy relationship, I think. But it’s silly to assume that just because of that, I don’t value anyone other than myself. It’s just the most fitting explanation for who I’m dating at the moment.

      But you’re right, that wasn’t really the question. I’ll stick with being Gansend, and dating Blin.

      1. You have fun in Inkworld…
        Point. That didn’t occur to me (sorry, some things just don’t get recalled when I need them). (I’ve only read Way of Kings and a few things apparently didn’t take.) And I’ll be cheating on this rule in Scadrial. We can both cheat across the Cosmere.
        That’s a good answer to the “who are you dating” inquiry. Not that I get that question at all, but that works. But if that is what it means to date yourself, then I’m pretty close to dating myself.
        Good idea. Blin is a good fit for you. *shoos concept bunnies away* You still aren’t allowed to die, even if you are Gansend, though.

      2. Roshar is enormous and easy to forget.

        Good. Love yourself and the world will follow.

        All of the life of Elend, all of the charm of Gansey. Works for me.

      3. Reasons I can’t really write High Fantasy without going insane for $400, Alex.
        That’s a lovely thought.
        And that’s a nice thought, too. Glad it works.

  2. I’m laughing more at your translations to the questions than anything. Hehe, I do like your answers, too, though, even if I still haven’t read anything of Stiefvater’s. Okay, that’s it, I’m going to see what she has in my library right now. Okay, there’s like a dozen. And ooohhh those covers are pretty… Um. What should I read first?

    I’d accept the tag, except I already sort of answered the questions in the comments on Katie’s post, and anyway, I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face while answering the original questions, thanks to your translations, hehe.

    Thanks for helping me figure out what to answer for number four, though. I couldn’t even think of anything, plus I know that a lot of the worlds, like Scadrial, would only be fun if I was actually somebody and I probably wouldn’t be, so I just couldn’t pick anything. But yes, Roshar. AND I’D BE A LIGHTEYES, SO HA.

    1. Start with The Scorpio Races. Stand-alone, flesh-eating horse racing, small town on a small island where everybody knows if you’re poor.

      I didn’t think of that. Darn social prejudices. I’d have to be a darkeyes. If I was actually human in this world… I could be anything.

      1. Oohhhhhkkkkay then. I’ll check it out.

        Ha. As if you’d let being a darkeyes stop you.
        I also have the added bonus of already existing in Roshar, thanks to Sanderson naming that character Shim. Hehe.

      2. Not necessarily! I might have been a scholar—okay, fine, yeah, I probably was a male soldier. *sighs* Let’s pretend not because he didn’t actually say genders. So.
        I also noticed I had another disadvantage, assuming I was female. All of the women aren’t allowed to show their left hands off—and so darkeyes wore gloves and lighteyes had long, buttoned-up sleeves. Now, considering my left-handedness… Hehe, I guess I’d finally have reason to teach myself ambidexterity.
        I’m starting to think Roshar isn’t such a great place for me, though. Hehe.

  3. Leave it to you to finally accept tags and then find the most not-normal way to do them possible. Laughing! Yes, yes, yes, I am laughing. I admit it. Congratulations.

    1. And hey, does it count if I make up my own tag? Because…um…I don’t have a blog anymore and I have my own curious questions.

      1. Sure it counts, but I’ll answer them privately if you don’t mind. Lots of good questions, but possibly too many for a blog post.

  4. I like these questions much better now that you’ve translated them. Really, though, Inkworld? Doesn’t the author have a thing for pure-evil villains who enjoy monologues and locking people up? Not sure I see the fun in that.

    1. As I said to Katie above, it’s great once you get away from the government. Exploring that world would be brilliant. But you’re right, it’s kinda harsh.

      If you liked the questions or the translations, you should take them for your own blog. Might as well, if it seems fun.

      1. Well, I suppose if you’re avoiding the government it’d be fun…

        I was tempted to, but I don’t really have an answer for 1, 3, or 6. Might try it anyway, but the truth is, I don’t care about most of these things enough to give up pizza for a year or anything like that. Let’s face it, I much prefer pizza and the Internet to signed first editions (who needs those anyway?!) and hanging out with authors on long flights.

      2. I agree about the first editions thing— I have a ripped-up paperback copy of Dragon Rider that I adore, but I despised the shiny hardcover, for no particular reason— but I have to disagree about authors on long flights. I mean, long flights are not the ideal place, but I love to hear about people and their stories. So that would be great for me. But I gotchu if you don’t prefer those choices.

  5. I’m taking a lot of these answers as book reccomendations. Apparently this Maggie Stiefvater is a wonderful authoress. And any book rich with culture and a thorough world raft is worth reading. So I’m going to consider The Way of Kings. The Count of Monte Cristo has always been one of my all time favorites, next to Jane Eyre and Persuasion. (I’m a girl. Classical romance for the win. ) But I’ve always said that The Count of Monte Cristo has everything except space robots. It’s the ultimate adventure/drama/romance/mystery novel. I don’t understand how people don’t like it. *glares directly my creative writing class from last year that did nothing but complain because they ‘couldn’t understand it so it was stupid’*
    I’m pretty new to wordpress, so I don’t fully understand tagging, but I like these questions and your translations to them. So I might do them just for fun.

    1. Maggie Stiefvater is amazing, Brandon Sanderson is amazing. (But if you haven’t read anything of his, start with Mistborn. The Way of Kings is enormous and you might want something quicker to try out. But definitely go for Sanderson’s stuff.)

      I’m a boy, and classical romance for the win. Dumas is a favorite because, as you said, he’s got everything. The classical romance mixes with the spy thriller/heist story and everything else so perfectly.

      Tagging works like this: You see a tag, you do the tag, you tag other people. I was tagged for this one, but you don’t have to be. I skipped tagging other people, but consider yourself tagged now. Take it, give credit to the person you got it from, and answer the questions. That’s all that matters. Have fun!

    1. Ah, yes. The me fanfictions have been around for a while. In fact, I wrote them at first, foolishly writing myself into a weird story because why not. As I grew as a writer, I realized how flat and boring a character I actually was, so I killed myself off. (Weirdest character death I’ve ever written.) Since then, friends have written celebratory stories on their own blogs for big landmarks in follower counts. The latest was just a week ago, or thereabouts. They’re always fun, but fanfiction is always strange as well.

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