“Well, you all know it had to happen sometime,” Liam said, standing at the head of the traditional pool table the Phils were seated at.
“What, the world is ending?” asked Quirk.
“I’m becoming Vice-Phil?” asked Percival. He and Quirk glared daggers at each other.
“Not quite yet, but–”
“The moon has been found to be made of cheese?” asked Sebase.
“Moldy bread,” said Phume.
“No! That’s–” protested Liam.
“Oh, I know: you’ve found me a cure for my eyes?” Isaac was facing entirely the wrong direction, his eyes bandaged.
“Why would he do that?” asked Feiron. “You’re nothing special.”
“If I could cry, I would,” Isaac told him.
“Well, we’re all thankful that you can’t,” said Steve.
“Has the world learned to love each other?” asked Sam.
“No, it’s not–” Liam said.
“Obert Skye has come out with a new book!” yelled the old lady.
“Argh?” asked Gologer.
“Probably not,” Liam said. “What I meant to say before I was interrupted was that I’m finally coming to the end of Phoenix’s story. Now, I don’t say Isaac’s story because his will keep going for a while. I’m not finished with him.”
“Thank heaven!” cried Isaac.
“I don’t think that’s a good thing, ‘saac,” said Feiron.
“I wrote the ending to Phoenix’s story a while ago,” continued Liam, “and right now it’s looking as if we might get there pretty soon. Within the week, I might guess.”
“But you won’t because you’re terrible with your schedule and all that,” said Quirk.
“That’s it, Quirk,” Liam snapped. “Percival, you’re Vice-Phil now. Quirk, you can clean the toilets.”
“But we move each week…”
“Then clean them all. Anyway, Phoenix’s story is going to be done this week.”
“So then you can continue my story,” said Percival.
“All right, Quirk, you’re back to being Vice-Phil.”
“Yes!” Quirk pumped his fist.
“NO!” wailed Percival.
“Can Percival do the toilets now?” asked Quirk.
“No, we can go without,” Liam said. “But to continue, Phoenix is almost done. That means she can retire her duties over there and work more on producing Phil-worthy phrases, which she has yet to do.”
Phoenix stuck out her tongue.
“I think I’m right in saying that she won’t be Vice-Phil for a while now?” guessed Quirk.
“Yeah, whatever. Our next order of business is to say that I’ve been sort-of editing Wise. It’s kind of stopped, but who really cares? Soon I’ll have that boatload of carp that Phoenix’s story is to edit.”
“Hey!” Phoenix yelled.
“It’s true,” said Feiron.
“It’s your story too, ‘Ron,” said Liam.
“But I’m in both Phoenix’s and Isaac’s so that makes me better.”
“You weren’t there when I was blinded!” said Isaac bitterly.
“Sorry about that, Isaac. I’m working on it,” said Liam.
“So Phoenix will be joining the ranks of retired story-Phils, including myself, Sebase, Phume, Gologer and the old lady,” said Percival.
“I’m not retired yet!” said the old lady. “I’m a part of Isaac’s story, and his isn’t done yet!”
“But your part in Wise is,” Liam said. “Third order of business: a great post you should check out. On Kirsten’s blog, she recently wrote this post, which is a great summary of how stupid modern fantasy stories really are. I’m sorry to say that Phoenix’s story is almost exactly the same as the first plot. I’m quite happy to say that Isaac’s facet of the story is completely different than anything else I’ve read, except fairy tales.
“Speaking of which, I was ‘researching’ Rapunzel for Isaac and found that Rapunzel’s tower was twenty ells tall. Officially, an ell is 45 inches, which makes for a 75 foot tower that Isaac jumped out of.”
“Congrats Isaac on doing something stupid. Again.” Feiron clapped loudly.
“And that concludes our conference for today. Thank you all for coming. Sam and Steve: Gologer has asked to take you home. Just climb in his mouth.”
Sam and Steve screamed as the Phils left.