Tips on Dragon Spotting

Liam, the critically acclaimed expert on dragons, has compiled and edited the experiences of his correspondent, Percival Wadsworth St. Clemenshire Barrington Tospockingtonham, who has had many dragon encounters in the past two months.

We realize how hard it is these days to spot a dragon– in ye olde medievale dayse, wheree everythinge youe saide hade ane extrae ‘e’e, you could just go out dressed up in something shiny and lo! the evil beast cometh! When should I start running? But now… Well, it just isn’t that easy anymore. So saying, we have gathered information from Percival’s many encounters of the dragon kind and have now made a list of things even YOU can do to attract your own little pet destructive killer.

  1. Go out into the open. Many dragons don’t like landing where they can’t take off again, so it might be in your best interests to find a place where it can safely (for it and you) ascend back into the heavens. If you’ve never seen an angry dragon stuck between two large concrete office buildings, you don’t know the meaning of the word ‘scared’. (Though if you’ve looked it up in the dictionary, maybe you do.)
  2. Make sure that open space is free of people. Many dragons, despite their size, are shy. This is where the expression “Shy as a dragon” comes from. You’ve never heard of it? What an uncultured swine you are! (No offense, pigs.) Yes, just like any small human child (except those that aren’t shy whatsoever), dragons are incredibly afraid of meeting new people, though not if you’re trying to kill them. That is a sure way to help them overcome their shyness. It’s a well-known fact to less well-known people that a dragon that’s killed someone before won’t be afraid to approach some other stranger and visit the same fate on them. You’ll die in flames, of course, but that’s a small price to pay in order to help a dragon be bolder in the future.
  3. Look as though you haven’t come to meet a dragon at all, but are just out for a stroll looking at nothing in particular. (It helps to have a trap set up for you where you might lose your life. Just one of those helpful hints.) Wander around, looking at flowers and patting small woodland animals on their small woodland heads. (Stay away from wild gophers, though. Those little brutes are vicious.)
  4. When you least expect it, expect it. Some dragons are conniving little things and will find you just after you have been searching for a dragon too obviously. So maybe you should disregard the third rule and be as obvious as you can, so the dragons will find you afterward.
  5. Whatever you do, do not watch the skies for dragons. They will see you and creep up behind you. Then, of course, the most natural course of action for you when they tap you gently on the shoulder is to scream very loudly. In their language, this means “Please eat me right now because I’m tired of life and you are INCREDIBLY UGLY!!!” Naturally, a dragon wouldn’t care how tired you are of life, but they would eat you because you insulted their vanity. No one can deny that dragons are beautiful creatures, but they wouldn’t give you time to argue that in your defense. For some people, however, the scream might mean an entirely different thing, such as “Oh @%$#*!” This phrase is not a guaranteed translation, nor an exact one, but still be careful.
  6. It would be rare for you to be able to understand the dragon when it talks, but if you are one of those special people who can, please contact us.

Now you are ready to try to meet a dragon, though you might not be ready to actually meet it. You can try, though. We wish you good luck, and will claim no responsibility for all injuries, deaths or other unfortunate occurrences which may befall your person. Please make this perfectly clear to your lawyers. Once again, very good luck to you!

34 thoughts on “Tips on Dragon Spotting

  1. I once saw a dragon flying in the sky. My mom corrected me and told me it was a bird, but I insisted that it was a dragon. Now, for a moment, let us be realistic (which I absolutely hate being!) : It was actually a hawk. Now going back to my creative imagination: It was a dragon. A beautiful red sparkly dragon with wings that shimmered. But my mom still said it was a bird. Sigh….She just doesn’t have my wonderificaltacular* mind.

    *Please do not be like Microsoft Word and tell me that wonderificaltacular is not a word. I already know that. So why am I still using it? Because I have a wonderificaltacular mind….
    (If you are like Microsoft Word right now you will be pounding your head, which holds your non-wonderificaltacular mind inside, on your keyboard right now in frustration.)

  2. i personally believe that they once existed but, over the many years, the stories have become garbled and twisted (eg. it is extremely unlikely that they ever breathed fire).

  3. humans can’t explain everything, there are many things we haven’t discovered or are entirely ignorant of and more again that we have theories for which are not necessarily right. in short, you are presuming that if a species existed a long time ago, humans would have, invariably, found out about them and have an idea of its existence. i believe it is entirely possible just even though humans haven’t discovered dragon remains, they still could have existed. i mean, think of these new types of dinosaurs that are still being discovered. the principle there is quite similar as there are still, allegedly, many we haven’t discovered or do not have solid evidence on.

    1. Perhaps, but the creation of dragons was basically an ancient culture adding every animal they knew of together. Wings, claws, scales, carnivorous habits– oh, and they can breathe fire! The chance of dragons having ever existed is about the same as a hybrid of rat, squirrel, lion, snake, eagle and goat. Basically, a chimera: A fire-breathing lion with a goat’s head sprouting out of its back, with a snake’s head for the tail that breathes poison. Really?

  4. i disagree, it is definitely possible that dragon myths and legends were based on a kernel of truth and that, in actual fact, they existed. as for ‘adding every animal they knew of together’, think about dinosaurs. they are quite similar in multiple aspects. also, as i said previously, i believe that they are real but their existence has been exaggerated.in other words, they did not breathe fire at all. finally, i also disagree with you in that the chances of dragons and chimeras existing are not, as you say, the same at all. in fact, they are entirely different. just because they are both part of ‘myths’ and ‘fantasy’ stories, it doesn’t mean that if one existed the other had to as well. also, even if they (chimeras) did (which i personally don’t believe) the stories surrounding them would have been changes so dramatically over the years that they may not even have been at all like we have been led to believe.

    1. I agree. Myths are all definitely based in part on truth, but I don’t think dragons– or chimeras, for that matter– really exist. Perhaps something much like them did once– dinosaurs or a mutant lion-goat thingy– but they don’t exist today. Thank you for your thoughts; this discussion was quite good.

  5. thats fine, it was a good conversation. however, i’d like to know just why you think they couldn’t have existed (please note that i have [previously] said i mean a long time ago and not necessarily these days). what reason do you have to prove that they could never have existed?

    1. Just what I myself have said previously: there is absolutely no proof. I don’t doubt that dinosaurs lived, and I’ll grant you that there were a few flying lizards, but they are not dragons by any stretch of the imagination. Let’s just go with that– dinosaurs lived, but dragons did not. Dragons may have been modeled after dinosaurs, just as unicorns were modeled after the horse, but they never lived. I think we need to keep a line drawn between reality and mythology. I’m not denouncing fantasy altogether, I’m just saying that it’s one thing to read about it and enjoy it, and it’s quite another to read about it and believe it.

  6. Exactly, there is no proof either way! Therefore, it is quite reasonable to believe that they *could* have existed once. And I do not, as such, believe in fantasy. I am simply keeping an open mind and not ruling out a logical possibility (in that dragons could have existed).

  7. Here’s how to spot a dragon– go to a mountain range with a creepy name (The Forbidding Mountains, Mount Doom, etc.), taking with you a pretty, yet stupid maiden and a bottle of ketchup. The dragon, who is obviously mean and human-eating (otherwise he wouldn’t live in such a secluded, dangerous mountain), will smell the maiden and the ketchup as you pour the ketchup in the girl’s hair. Now hide and when the dragon comes to dinner, hang around long enough to ‘spot’ him then run for your life! He might decide he’s hungry for seconds.

  8. Liam, it says above to contact you if one has the ability to talk to and understand dragons…
    Well…… I have that ability. Now, what? I have contacted you.

  9. Finally another Dragon specialist in the business! I love seeing other people getting involved in Dragon hunting*!

    *Do not confuse dragon slaying with dragon hunting… they are two different sports. Dragon hunting is simply the art of finding dragons, whereas slaying is the evil slaughter of Dragon kind. For more information on this subject, see my post on the science behind Dragons at Dreamer HQ.

  10. Thanks for that information! That really helps. I’ve always wanted to see a dragon. Would it also work to just build a time machine and go back to were dragons were less shy and less scarce?

  11. This is when I wish I was born in some medieval-ish time where dragons actually (well, you know) existed and nobody could tell me otherwise. ‘Cause now I just defy common sense and insist they, among other magical beasts, exist. The world would be much less amazing without them.
    Please tell Percival I enjoyed his tips (and yours) thoroughly. Have a good day. πŸ™‚

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