Tips on Fantasy Writer Spotting

Fantasy writers are notoriously hard to find. Fantasy writers, as we all know, like themselves to be secretive and shrouded in mystery, when in reality they’re probably just behind the counter at your local McDonald’s, or dead at the hands of a giant mega-awesome ultra fantasy beast. Thing. So next time you’re searching your phone book for fantasy writers to go mob, just consult these tips.

  1. Capture a few dragons and set them loose over your town. The only person (besides you) that will be standing out in the open, looking up in awe, will be your fantasy writer. Try not to let your dragons burn anything to the ground or eat anyone, because that has the potential for being extremely messy.
  2. Hang around McDonald’s restaurants and look for employees that stare off into the middle distance for most of the day instead of watching that burger they’re burning cooking. That’s the writer. And try to avoid eating the burger, because it won’t be cooked too well.
  3. Drive around the city/town/hermitage you live in after dark, and look for lights in windows that are still on. The best time for this is about two o’clock in the morning, when everyone will be asleep except your writer.
  4. Look for anyone around your neighborhood who doesn’t seem to care what they’re wearing, or better yet, is wearing clothes covered in dragons. It’s possible that the person is just someone who likes looking strange, but chances are good that it’ll be the writer.
  5. Look for anyone who looks behind them repeatedly during the day, as if someone is following them. It might just be someone paranoid, but it’s quite likely that he’s a fantasy writer. If you find someone like this, tail him wearing a large dragon costume, or just large pointy ears and a longbow. That fantasy writer will be your friend before the week is out.
  6. Look for people who contemplate things like, say, ping pong balls as possible intelligent life forms, and people who name inanimate objects.
  7. Search bookstores for people who seem to stay in the same place, day after day, but never buy anything. Chances are the person is a fantasy writer trying to see if his book is popular, and in doing so frightening everyone away.

Follow these tips and you’ll be finding fantasy writers all over the place. Unfortunately, this search also picks up on fantasy readers, but they’re pretty close to what you want. Have fun!

29 thoughts on “Tips on Fantasy Writer Spotting

  1. I name inanimate objects, but I’m not… okay, I guess I’m a fantasy author. Well, not exactly. I don’t write straight fantasy, there aren’t any dragons, but I guess you could call it urban fantasy or whatever the genre’s mutated into recently ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I name everything. Just on my desk I have Rory Williams, Hades, Torchwood Hub, Cormac, and Mrs Hudson. Downstairs are Kian, Gabriel, Linden, Mathew, Rue and the Captain. Oh, and the kettle, which I called Ianto, because. In the study is Commander Root (I swear, that computer hates me, just because I’m a girl. So unfair). On my shelf I have Bronwyn, Cinna’s on my cupboard with Neil. Esther is lying around somewhere too, I think near Neil. My other desk is looking after Igor. Igor is a dalek. It’s a very long story.

    I could go on, but I won’t. I think I’m demonstrating my freakdom enough… ;D

  2. You know, I like your writing style and content, as well as the humor and overall goofiness I find on this blog, and I was wondering if you would permit me to write a guest blog post on publishing written work on this blog. You don’t have to publish this comment, but if you would like a guest post would you please find a way to give me your email or something so I can submit my post content to you? I think this blog has some great thoughts on writing, and where you have writers you may have potential publishers as well!

    1. I apologize, but I like to control the guest posts here to those who comment frequently and those that I know. But feel free to make yourself known, and you might win a guest post like the others do. Thanks anyway!

      1. … My brain hurts just trying to work it all out! Wibbly wobbly brainy wainy…

      2. Gotta love those paradoxes… Chris D’Lacey, who I’ve mentioned many many times, has a particularly good definition of a time paradox. “Absurd twists in the fabric of time…” Poetic, eh? He does a lot with time paradoxes. I love it.

      3. We gave him a replacement, don’t worry. It’s one of those big hands that cycling fans and American football fans love so much. He enjoys beating the rat with it.

  3. Wow, you just described me completely. I didn’t realize I was so easy to spot… Now I have to disguise myself so my characters who are out for vengeance don’t manage to catch me. Oh, wait. If they did, I could just write myself free and write them into a horrible pit filled with moths and polka music crossed with opera. : )

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