Writers’ Bane– Donate Now!

Writers’ Bane is a non-profit organization devoted to humiliating, spiting and utterly destroying writers everywhere.  We utilize all kinds of processes to discourage writers across the globe, from breaking fingers to possessing characters to question their existence.  Writer’s block is a favorite tool, especially since it has the same initials as our organization, the sound of which will strike fear into the hearts of even the most seasoned writers.    Every day at WB we strive to be the most annoying selves we can be, and we can boast of keeping thousands of writers from writing each day with our efforts.  Our employee of the month is currently away punishing someone who wouldn’t put down his pen, but when he comes back we’ll get a picture framed that we can hang up somewhere.  When we’re not siphoning a writer’s ink or blunting their pencils, we enjoy watching mind-numbing reality TV and unscripted shows that don’t require writing for their production.

As a non-profit organization, we’re always in need of a few donations, large or larger.  In the comments, please give us all of those little number thingies that are printed on all those cards in your wallet.  Thank you for supporting us in our efforts, and have a day blissfully free of writing!

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135 Comments

  1. Oh, I found a little card thingy that belongs to D. Evill. The numbers on it are 6666-6666-6666-6666.

    Reply
  2. Robyn Hoode

     /  August 30, 2012

    Now I know why I haven’t gotten much writing done in the last week. Thank you!
    (so we are clear, the thanks was sarcastic!)

    Reply
  3. Robyn Hoode

     /  August 31, 2012

    How true that is.

    Reply
  4. Robyn Hoode

     /  December 12, 2012

    So… is WB to blame when there is so much hosework to be done that there is no time to write? If so, how do they do it? Do they pay people to make messes, make the messes themselves, or do they have an entirely different method?

    Reply
    • They have invisible ninjas. It’s not fair.

      Reply
      • Robyn Hoode

         /  December 12, 2012

        No, it’s not! I say we start a protest campaign! We want ninjas! We want ninjas! We want ninjas…

      • But then we’ll both have ninjas and no one wins. Can’t we have, I don’t know, guys with magical swords instead? Magical swords that kill ninjas automatically.

  5. Amanda Fischer

     /  January 17, 2013

    *Cracks up*

    Reply
  6. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    (I’m going to pull a Monty Python on you)
    “I’d like to issue a complaint! And, yes, I know you’re a qualified brain-surgeon and the only reason you do this is because you like being your own boss! But this train was supposed to go to Bolton!”
    Seriously, I need to get off the internet and get my 100 words written for today. I’m supposed to be in Bolton!

    Reply
  7. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    The man at the petshop was lying! *Leaves to get a new parrot– the Norweigian Blue -beautiful plummage*

    Reply
  8. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    This isn’t an arguement. It’s merely contradiction!

    Reply
  9. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    Yes, it is!

    Reply
  10. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    Look! I paid for five minutes of an arguement, and I wanted to have a good arguement!

    Reply
  11. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    I’m sorry! I’m not going to pursue my line of inquiry any farther. This is getting too silly!

    Reply
  12. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    Then replace my parrot!

    Reply
  13. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    Does it talk?

    Reply
  14. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    Really?

    Reply
  15. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    Well, then it’s scarcely replacment!

    Reply
    • Tell you what. Go to my brother, in Ipswitch. He has loads of parrots.

      Reply
      • Robyn Hoode

         /  February 3, 2013

        Two questions:
        1. Where is Ipswitch?
        2. You have a brother?

    • Robyn Hoode

       /  February 3, 2013

      You assured me that when I bought this parrot that its lack of movement was because it was tired after a long stroll. I took the liberty of examining the bird and I found that the only reason it was on the perch was because it had been nailed there.

      Reply
  16. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    Don’t you mean Bolton?

    Reply
  17. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    Or hitting over the head lessons.

    Reply
  18. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 3, 2013

    I messed it up *facepalm*

    Reply
  19. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 4, 2013

    What kind of talk is that! It’s not pining, its passed on!

    Reply
    • Robyn Hoode

       /  February 4, 2013

      *Proceeds to take parrot out of cage and hit it on the counter* Polly! I’ve got a nice fish for you when you wake up! Polly! Polly Parrot! *Tosses bird onto the floor* Now that’s what I call a dead parrot.

      Reply
      • It’s… it’s resting.

      • Robyn Hoode

         /  February 4, 2013

        It’s not resting! This bird is no more! it has ceased to be! It has gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot! It’s gone stiff! It rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it’d be pushing up the daisies!!! The curtain is drawn and it has joined the choir invisible! This is an ex-parrot!
        (I love the part about pushing up the daisies 🙂 Do you think you’ll get your 10,000 comment because of Monty Python?)

      • (You forgot the part about shuffling off his mortal coil. Shakespeare and Monty Python are closely entwined.)

        It’s pining. Pining for the fjords.

      • Robyn Hoode

         /  February 4, 2013

        (Didn’t know what exactly was being said. My Monty Python experience is on YouTube. Not necessarily forgot, just don’t know what was said and don’t exactly want to put something that could be inappropriate into a comment. It’s Monty Python. When I can’t comprehend what’s being said, I err on the side of caution. Ashamed to admit that I haven’t read much Shakespeare, either. Anyway…)

        Pining for the fjords? What kind of talk is that? It’s not pining, it’s passed on! It has ceased to be!
        (If you want anything done in this country, you’ve got to complain until you’re blue in the mouth!)

      • (Nothing to say.)

  20. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 4, 2013

    Ah! Now we see the violence inherit in the system!

    Reply
  21. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 4, 2013

    And if I weigh the same as a duck, then I am obviously a witch.
    I didn’t vote for you.

    Reply
  22. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 4, 2013

    I’m not old.
    Supreme executove power rises from a mandate of the masses– not some farcical aquatic ceremony!

    Reply
  23. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 4, 2013

    I’m 37!
    (I don’t know the one you’ve got in () )

    Reply
  24. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 4, 2013

    Still an annoying peasant. 🙂

    Reply
  25. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 5, 2013

    Yes, I am… wait, I don’t think I can contradict you that way…
    I’d like to have an arguement.

    Reply
  26. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 5, 2013

    Oh, I’m sorry, This is abuse.

    Reply
  27. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 6, 2013

    Yes… No, wait, you’re right. It isn’t.

    Reply
  28. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 6, 2013

    You’re argueing with yourself, now.

    Reply
  29. May I join Writer’s Bane? I enjoy causing the misery of others.

    Reply
  30. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 8, 2013

    Hello, I’d like to issue a complaint.
    After a mild case of Writer’s Block, almost minutes after figuring the solution to my problem, I was burned! I was making breakfast and was severely spattered by the grits in the pot! On my right hand! I am right-handed! So now I’d like to ask, what am I supposed to do now?

    Liam, why do you associate with this low organization? They only lose their dignity with every writer stopped.

    Reply
  31. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 8, 2013

    Let the founder be shocked out of her socks!

    Reply
    • No chance of that. She doesn’t wear socks. Typically despicable.

      Reply
    • Robyn Hoode

       /  February 8, 2013

      Tempest: “Ahem. Founder of Writer’s Bane, you are hereby summonned to court on the 9thh of February. The charges against you are as follows– you have somehow burned Miss Hoode’s writing hand using a pot of boiling grits. According to The Laws of Writing Impediments, Section 34, Sub-section Delta, your actions are illegal. Boiling foods that spatter cannot be used as an implemnet of burning with the exception of bacon grease. Your presense in court is expected. If you don’t show, you will be fined.”

      Reply
  32. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 9, 2013

    Well, at least she’ll appear at all. (Rats! I was hoping to fine her!)

    Reply
  33. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 9, 2013

    Tempest refuses them. (I’m typing this as he says it) He says he will only eat rodents if he catches them himself and besides, he is watching his weight… Tempest, you’re just making stuff up now!

    Reply
  34. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 10, 2013

    Are you saying coconuts migrate?

    Reply
  35. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 10, 2013

    An African swallow maybe, but not an English swallow.

    Reply
  36. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 10, 2013

    He could if he were an African swallow.

    Reply
  37. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 11, 2013

    And now we see the violence inherent in the system… I don’t remember how it goes. I’m guessing.

    Reply
  38. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 11, 2013

    (Should I just start another skit?)

    Reply
  39. Robyn Hoode

     /  February 11, 2013

    Indeed.

    Reply
  40. Thank you! Thank you for the Writer’s Blocks! I like writing in my group novels too much because the storylines are awesome yet we are the only ones who understands! If I write too much then my friends will complain that I don’t let them write anything! (Joking, but they do complain that I write too much and they can’t read it in time.) Thank you for Writer’s Blocks! Prevents me from being scolded you know!

    I found a random credit card in my friend’s wallet! Let’s see, the number thingies are 6123-6411-6501-6222

    PS: the jokes on the numbers, after the 6’s, if you add the remaining numbers up, it’s all equivalent to six. (1+2+3=6 4+1+1=6 5+0+1=6 2+2+2=6)

    Reply
  41. Can I have my money back?

    Reply
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