Writers’ Bane– Donate Now!

Writers’ Bane is a non-profit organization devoted to humiliating, spiting and utterly destroying writers everywhere.  We utilize all kinds of processes to discourage writers across the globe, from breaking fingers to possessing characters to question their existence.  Writer’s block is a favorite tool, especially since it has the same initials as our organization, the sound of which will strike fear into the hearts of even the most seasoned writers.    Every day at WB we strive to be the most annoying selves we can be, and we can boast of keeping thousands of writers from writing each day with our efforts.  Our employee of the month is currently away punishing someone who wouldn’t put down his pen, but when he comes back we’ll get a picture framed that we can hang up somewhere.  When we’re not siphoning a writer’s ink or blunting their pencils, we enjoy watching mind-numbing reality TV and unscripted shows that don’t require writing for their production.

As a non-profit organization, we’re always in need of a few donations, large or larger.  In the comments, please give us all of those little number thingies that are printed on all those cards in your wallet.  Thank you for supporting us in our efforts, and have a day blissfully free of writing!

135 thoughts on “Writers’ Bane– Donate Now!

      1. Hello, Nevillegirl; this is the founder of Writer’s Bane, speaking through the Head Phil. You are obviously bad– you’re a writer, aren’t you? So give us back Evill’s credit card and we’ll let you off the hook for a month.

  1. Now I know why I haven’t gotten much writing done in the last week. Thank you!
    (so we are clear, the thanks was sarcastic!)

  2. So… is WB to blame when there is so much hosework to be done that there is no time to write? If so, how do they do it? Do they pay people to make messes, make the messes themselves, or do they have an entirely different method?

      1. No, it’s not! I say we start a protest campaign! We want ninjas! We want ninjas! We want ninjas…

      2. But then we’ll both have ninjas and no one wins. Can’t we have, I don’t know, guys with magical swords instead? Magical swords that kill ninjas automatically.

  3. (I’m going to pull a Monty Python on you)
    “I’d like to issue a complaint! And, yes, I know you’re a qualified brain-surgeon and the only reason you do this is because you like being your own boss! But this train was supposed to go to Bolton!”
    Seriously, I need to get off the internet and get my 100 words written for today. I’m supposed to be in Bolton!

    1. You assured me that when I bought this parrot that its lack of movement was because it was tired after a long stroll. I took the liberty of examining the bird and I found that the only reason it was on the perch was because it had been nailed there.

    1. *Proceeds to take parrot out of cage and hit it on the counter* Polly! I’ve got a nice fish for you when you wake up! Polly! Polly Parrot! *Tosses bird onto the floor* Now that’s what I call a dead parrot.

      1. It’s not resting! This bird is no more! it has ceased to be! It has gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot! It’s gone stiff! It rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it’d be pushing up the daisies!!! The curtain is drawn and it has joined the choir invisible! This is an ex-parrot!
        (I love the part about pushing up the daisies 🙂 Do you think you’ll get your 10,000 comment because of Monty Python?)

      2. (Didn’t know what exactly was being said. My Monty Python experience is on YouTube. Not necessarily forgot, just don’t know what was said and don’t exactly want to put something that could be inappropriate into a comment. It’s Monty Python. When I can’t comprehend what’s being said, I err on the side of caution. Ashamed to admit that I haven’t read much Shakespeare, either. Anyway…)

        Pining for the fjords? What kind of talk is that? It’s not pining, it’s passed on! It has ceased to be!
        (If you want anything done in this country, you’ve got to complain until you’re blue in the mouth!)

  4. I’m not old.
    Supreme executove power rises from a mandate of the masses– not some farcical aquatic ceremony!

      1. Watch The Annoyong Peasant. Out of my last six comments, 5 of those have been entirely from that skit (except the part about the witch. That’s a different skit)
        I’m not going to pursue my line of inquiry any farther. This is getting far too silly.

      1. I know. It’s shameful. Spelling, ironicly, has never been been my strength. See previous posts concerning Twysdrns.

  5. Hello, I’d like to issue a complaint.
    After a mild case of Writer’s Block, almost minutes after figuring the solution to my problem, I was burned! I was making breakfast and was severely spattered by the grits in the pot! On my right hand! I am right-handed! So now I’d like to ask, what am I supposed to do now?

    Liam, why do you associate with this low organization? They only lose their dignity with every writer stopped.

    1. Tempest: “Ahem. Founder of Writer’s Bane, you are hereby summonned to court on the 9thh of February. The charges against you are as follows– you have somehow burned Miss Hoode’s writing hand using a pot of boiling grits. According to The Laws of Writing Impediments, Section 34, Sub-section Delta, your actions are illegal. Boiling foods that spatter cannot be used as an implemnet of burning with the exception of bacon grease. Your presense in court is expected. If you don’t show, you will be fined.”

  6. Tempest refuses them. (I’m typing this as he says it) He says he will only eat rodents if he catches them himself and besides, he is watching his weight… Tempest, you’re just making stuff up now!

  7. Thank you! Thank you for the Writer’s Blocks! I like writing in my group novels too much because the storylines are awesome yet we are the only ones who understands! If I write too much then my friends will complain that I don’t let them write anything! (Joking, but they do complain that I write too much and they can’t read it in time.) Thank you for Writer’s Blocks! Prevents me from being scolded you know!

    I found a random credit card in my friend’s wallet! Let’s see, the number thingies are 6123-6411-6501-6222

    PS: the jokes on the numbers, after the 6’s, if you add the remaining numbers up, it’s all equivalent to six. (1+2+3=6 4+1+1=6 5+0+1=6 2+2+2=6)

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